Abstaining...

This is a subject that I have been discussing a lot lately.

Abstaining basically means to have a sexless relationship until marriage.

I would be interested on other people’s views on this. In this day and age do you feel it is still right to abstain?

Okays, so, I’m a modern girl, I have a modern relationship, I have normal friendships both Christian and non Christian, I’ve not always been a Christian and so my past relationships haven’t conformed to Christian values. But now I am a Christian and I’m dating a Christian and all the dynamics of what I felt were part of a normal relationship changes. Does God accept that I am a modern girl, living in a world where abstaining is a thing of the past? Does he listen to me when I say- but God you know I’m serious about this relationship and there’s hopefully marriage in the future? Does God accept it when I say- I don’t want my partner to leave me? Does God except it when I say- but God I don’t want my partner to think I am being heavy and pushing marriage on him? Does God accept it when I try to justify sex?

I think in this day and age it is very hard to abstain in any relationship. Lets be honest, meeting a Christian partner is hard! I think in my church there is only one eligible guy- the rest are children or I am related too them! So what happens if you think you’ve met Mr. Right and he is not a Christian as many Christians seem to do and more to the point, what happens when down the line Mr. Right feels its time you move the relationship up a gear and doesn’t understand all the Christian Malarkey. Is it right to compromise for the relationship- all his past girlfriends have and its probable that he wont hang around OR do you abstain and hope that if he is Mr. Right that he will wait for you?

The media and the world around us tells us sex is normal, dress sexy, have good sex, experiment to find the next physical high and grab any man with a slim body or a big bust. Our friends tell us not to be so old fashion and if we are to keep our man then we should put out, they offer us relationship advice and sex advice based on their own experiences and their own perception of what is right and normal… but what does God say?

I thought I would have a look at some scripture and see what the bible says firstly about sex:

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. Taken from 1 Corinthians 6:9-20


It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. Taken from 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

And secondly what the bible says about marriage:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Taken from Hebrews 13:4


Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Taken from 1 Corinthians 7:1-5


One of the main things that stood out to me in the first two verses I decided to use; is that it states ‘It is God’s will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy’… It is repeated in many verses that sexual immorality is a sin, so to me there is no avoiding for me, that God’s will is for people to enjoy sex in marriage and not to engage in sex unwisely and it really sums it for me in Hebrews (shown above) ‘marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.’

One thing that really made me think is when it says ‘anyone who sins sexually sins against there own body’… What does that mean to you?
I know the first thing I related to this verse was about grieving the Holy Spirit- and that when you are engaging in sin the Spirit withdraws- so in a sense this separates us from God leaving us open. Then I went onto think that I know that when I became a Christian I prayed that those that I had slept with in the past would forgive me for all the hurt that I had caused them as a result and I stated that I forgave them for the hurt that they caused me and I just prayed that they would be blessed, sometimes sex isn’t as simple as the world would have you believe it can cause a lot of emotional hurts.

I personally believe that abstaining is still a thing for today. When my partner said to me lets make a commitment to being ‘good’ (our little code word for abstaining) I felt that he respected me- not only he respected me but that he took our relationship seriously. I felt it made our relationship stronger. I don’t feel that either of us has felt pressured to marry but that we are taking the time to get to know each other without all the complexities that having a relationship based on sex would bring.

So is there anyone that is abstaining in their relationship? Do you have any advice that is original? What works for you?

I always pray that the Holy Spirit will give us the strength to resist temptation and pray constantly that God will strengthen our relationship and lead us together in a relationship based on Jesus. My partner prays when he feels tempted and this seems to work for him. Other wise I guess it is just the usual cliché advice- to not do anything that leads to sex: like kissing of the neck as for some that is really seductive, not wearing suggestive clothing, sleeping in separate beds etc etc etc.

For further reading other verses to refer too:
www.biblegateway.com

Matthew 5:27-30
Galatians 5:16-21
Revelation 21: 8
Ephesians 5:3-5
Ephesians 4:19-24
Romans 1:26-27
Proverbs 5:17-23
Matthew 5:27-30
1 Corinthians 6:9-20
Galatians 5:16-21
Hebrews 13:4
Genesis 2:18, 21-24
Proverbs 18:22
Ecclesiastes 9:9
Ephesians 5:22-33